Now you’ve all heard the story about Briar Rose
Or you might know her best as Snow White;
The beautiful princess who wandered the woods
Who they say was all sweetness and light.
I have a complaint, she was not aptly named
If the girl was so shy and disarming;
I’ve wrestled with roses the whole afternoon
And believe me they’re not ruddy charming.
A big briar rose had grown up through a bush
And like long ghostly fingers kept tapping,
Disturbing the dog with the intrusive sound
And awaking her when she was napping.
Now if she’s asleep and awoken too quick
She will jump to her post to defend me,
That is all well and good when there’s reason to bark
But a rose is supposed to be friendly.
So as all the blooms have now faded away
Out I went armed with bin bag and shears;
Within a few seconds I’m all tangled up
And it’s got me from ankle to ears.
There is blood dripping down from a number of cuts
From the thorns that are savage and vicious,
The damn thing whips back and gets hold of my hair
With a grip that is downright malicious.
The dog who is watching all this through the pane
Then decides that her service is needed
And sets up a barking to wake up the dead
While my shushing is going unheeded.
It’s right at this moment the salesman arrives
And proceeds, with a smile, to deliver
His well-practiced spiel with a confident air
Till he catches my eye with a shiver.
“I’ll call back again,” he says backing away
And I manage to answer politely,
That if he comes back he’ll be well out of luck
And the dog can eat salesmen twice nightly.
It took me an hour to free myself then
From the briar’s tenacious advances,
But blood-streaked and battered I cut the thing back
For the year… I was taking no chances.
So next time you read about sweet Briar Rose…
Of her life and the way she preserved it…
Just ponder on this; if the girl’s aptly named
There’s a bloody good chance she deserved it!
From the archives and Laughter Lines: Life at the Tail End:
Sue Vincent's Daily Echo 
Wonderful Sue. I’m glad I’m no salesman.
xxx Gigantic Hugs xxx
LikeLike
To be fair, Ani would only lick him to death 😉 xxx
LikeLike
Brilliant Sue! Those thorns – I can attest to being mauled by them. Amazing that such beauty and pain belong together … 🌹
LikeLike
It is often the way, though, isn’t it?
LikeLike
Loved this! Great poem, very funny 🙂
LikeLike
Thanks, Samantha 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
For all of us who believe in fairy stories… there can be a dark side as Sue and Ani discovered when attacked by a rambling rose……
LikeLiked by 1 person
This happens to me every time I venture into our garden. I should change the name though, the garden belongs to the brambles, not me. There is no defeating them either, I swear they are indestructible and grow faster than anything else!
LikeLike
Brambles resist virtually every attempt to bring them under control… I’ve never managed it yet.
LikeLiked by 1 person
But we can’t give up, they might take over the house too!
LikeLike
They keep trying to edge their way through my kitchen window 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
OMG!
LikeLike
There is a lot of pain that comes with that beauty! She deserved it. ☺
LikeLike
🙂
LikeLike
With such beauty, there is sure to be a downside. I’m glad you managed some funny in it with this poem. 🙂
LikeLike
The thorns are worth it for the roses’ sake… but when they have you by the hair, sometimes you don’t remember that 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Lol, been there. 🙂
LikeLike
😀
LikeLiked by 1 person