Cold buttered toast

ani nose

I had missed out on breakfast this morning,
And I’m not of the type to do brunch,
With my nose firmly glued to the keyboard
I completely forgot about lunch.

Now by mid-afternoon I was hungry
And so, with the small dog in tow,
I wandered off into the kitchen
To see where my fancy would go.

It’s a bit of a bugger, I’m thinking,
As the cupboards all look a bit bare
And the fridge, though lit up and inviting,
Just looks back with its own vacant stare.

Never mind, there is cheese and the toaster
And that’ll do nicely, says I,
But the cheese-hound has got there before me,
And stares back with an innocent eye…

There are eggs, and perhaps I could poach them?
That is, if they’re fit for the toast;
They could have been lurking a while there
And be ready to give up the ghost.

I’m starving by this time, you’ll gather,
The toast’s going cold and won’t wait;
So the microwave might be the answer
To get the damned things on the plate.

The moral to this little story,
And there has to be one, as you know,
Is to never put eggs in the zapper…
You’ll be wearing your dinner ‘to go’.

I’d remembered their dangerous habit
And pin-pricked them, thinking them fine,
But no… they exploded regardless
With the force of an organic mine.

Poor Ani dove under the cushions,
With her nose peeking out in dismay,
And the oven’s been redecorated
With egg applied as a fine spray.

I’d forgotten, of course, till it happened
That the eggs would continue to cook,
They exploded again as I grabbed them,
And powdered egg’s not a good look….

It sticks in your hair and your sweater,
And clings like the sea to the coast;
So I had a shower for dinner
And two bits of cold buttered toast.

From the archives and Laughter Lines: Life at the Tail End:


About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email:
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46 Responses to Cold buttered toast

  1. Been there. Done that. But ONLY once. Welcome home? You are home, right?

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Lol! Beautifully written life lesson-thank you! I’ve never actually put eggs in a microwave….but now I feel like I should…!


  3. Ritu says:

    OH Sue!!! I so know that feeling!!!


  4. you sound like me! but don’t ignore your tummy! eat properly 🙂


  5. Loved the poem. I am happy to say I have never put eggs in the microwave, and now I never will. :o)


  6. Oh no. I never tried it in the microwave, didn’t know they’d explode once they’re out…thanks for the warning. ☺ Great poems often come with spoiled meals.


  7. dgkaye says:

    Never microed eggs, and from the likes of this, I never will, lol. 🙂


  8. Eliza Waters says:

    Even though they have it in their cookbook, the microwave is definitely not for cooking eggs! Although the dog thought the results were just fine. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  9. noelleg44 says:

    Sue, we used to serve “exploded egg” to my kids for breakfast. We cracked the eggs into a small bowl, covered the top with plastic wrap, set the timer for one minute and then the fun began. They would sit, fascinated, waiting for the explosion! After the initial boom, there were a few more until the minute was up. Then I took off the wrap, added salt and a little pepper, and voila, the kids ate their breakfast!


  10. Cold buttered toast. Comfort food for uncomfortable situations.


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