Goldilocks and the three beds…

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I had a visitor this weekend, who will…should all finally go according to plan… be the last I will receive in this house. My ex-husband came over from France to see his sons and meet his granddaughter. It seems rather fitting as I draw a line under recent decades and turn to face a new phase of my life.

We were married some 33 years ago and much water has flowed under that proverbial bridge since then. Life has been a varied ride, with ups, downs and a number of corners taken on two wheels, yet it occurred to me that this is the first time since I first left to work in France all those years ago, that I have chosen a new beginning and turned a page just for myself.

From childhood to altar, I sought to ‘belong’, defining myself in the roles dictated by society as daughter, wife and mother… all valid roles and ones I am grateful to have known. All expected and acceptable roles. But all of them dependent upon the validating presence of others.

The periods in-between, where I did not actively claim these roles as my own, were always waiting times, passages through a desire to be labelled, neatly boxed and conform to a pre-determined mould that would give an elusive and illusory meaning to my fragile vision of self.

It is an easy trap to fall into and catches many of us unawares.

It is only in the last few years that I have gradually moved away from such a self-imposed definition. I am, and always will be, mother and daughter, but I now know that these are not all that I am. I am busy with the adventure of learning how to be nothing more…or less… than myself and I am about to start creating the first home I will ever have made just for me.

After a year of hassle trying to sort things out, I am finally moving house. In a complicated three-way process, a family with too many children for their home will get a big house with enough bedrooms, my son will get a middle-sized house with a bedroom for my granddaughter, and I will get a nice little garden flat that will be just right.

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The new garden is, for the time being, nothing more than a patch of grass with a shed. This is perfect… I won’t need to worry about doing anything other than mowing for a while. It is not as if I will be starved of green… there are fields at the bottom of the garden, complete with cows, a cloud of crows and resident red kites. Quite what Ani will make of them remains to be seen… pigeons are bad enough!

The flat is right on the edge of the village too, with more fields and even a hill beyond…and hills are a bit of a rarity round here in the Vale. A nice bathroom with a shower that actually does more than dribble, a good-sized dining-kitchen, bedroom and living room… and French doors that open into the garden.

What it doesn’t have is space for the accumulated possessions of the past fifteen years in this house and thirty-two years of raising a family. I did go through and declutter when the last of them left home, but I seem to have expanded into the space and I will have my work cut out the next few days, reducing it to the bare minimum.

kite21

This is not a part of the process I am looking forward to in physical or practical terms, but I am thoroughly enjoying stripping back to basics. There will be no space for anything else. Granted, those basics include rather more books than are strictly necessary, but I should may would like to bring myself to donate at least half of them to charity.

Carpets I don’t have to worry about… there are nice wooden floors that I will love and Ani will hate. Moving the furniture should not be too big a job… most of mine is built-in and can’t come with me. Unfortunately, that includes all the bookcases. The biggest job by far is actually getting rid of the things I cannot take… which happens to be most of it. I am really looking forward to having less to worry about. It is just the getting there…

… and that is the same with self-image. All the accumulated rubbish we hoard hides the simplicity and bare truth of our being. To see ourselves clearly, it has to go. It can be an uncomfortable process, sifting through it all and discarding the unnecessary and effete to get back to the basics of who we are. Like Goldilocks, it is all trial and error until we find the point of balance where we can see that we are ‘just right’ as we are. But when it is done, there is a lightness of being that makes the process worthwhile.

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For the next couple of weeks, life will be rather hit and miss here, especially online; I will be busy and will not, for some part of that, have an internet connection at home. All I can say is, please bear with me.

– The red kite outside the window was captured by my younger son, Alex, on his phone.

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.
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58 Responses to Goldilocks and the three beds…

  1. TanGental says:

    Ha good luck. When I helped mum downsize from 5 bedroom house to 2 bed bungalow she took nearly everything with her. Bloody nightmare. In her head she downsized space not contents

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  2. Pingback: Goldilocks and the three beds… — Sue Vincent – Daily Echo | O LADO ESCURO DA LUA

  3. Mick Canning says:

    I find getting rid of stuff very cathartic, especially when moving house. It does serve to underline that it is a new beginning. Hope it all goes well, Sue!

    Like

  4. socialbridge says:

    All the best with the move, Sue. Sounds like a great choice. xx

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  5. Susan Scott says:

    This is amazing and wonderful Sue! All best wishes in the move. Your new place looks idyllic.

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  6. Denis1950 says:

    Good luck with the move and new home life. I do hope the cows behave for Ani.

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  7. Jean Reiland says:

    Enjoy your new space

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  8. Miriam says:

    Looks lovely Sue. Enjoy it all, the decluttering, the getting back to basics and moving forward into this new phase of your life. All the best.

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  9. It looks fabulous and peaceful Sue – I’m looking forward to your posts and pictures from there. I didn’t manage to get rid of a single book, although didn’t think twice at giving more than half the furniture away, and I don’t miss any of it. Good luck with the move. ❤

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    • Sue Vincent says:

      Furniture I can manage without… in fact, there is very little I really need. Books, though, that’s different. Trouble is, I have more books than I will have walls…and nowhere else to store them, so some will have to go!

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Aim for that “lightness of being”, Sue.💟 It is my dream as well.

    But the books will be the last to go. I understand. Your new landscape looks wonderful. All the best for your move, we’ll be waiting for you here. 💕 Van

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  11. Fran Keegan says:

    This is wonderful, Sue! I did this same thing when I sold my three-storey 10-room house and moved to an apartment. I loved the house and I love my apartment. If anything breaks down I call maintenance and it is fixed promptly or replaced. Heat and TV are supplied The grounds are kept beautifully. A lot of books had to go, but I had to really downsize. Life is much easier! Happy moving to you!

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  12. I totally envy your getting a smaller, form-fitting home. I don’t think I have another move in me. You’d have to put me into a chemically induced coma and wake me when I got to the new digs. But the idea of a much smaller place? Nothing would please me more. This place is way bigger than we need or properly care for.

    I’m sure, once you get over the “hump” of moving, you’ll be thrilled. It sounds like a perfect move.

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    • Sue Vincent says:

      Almost perfect… it is still in the south 😉 Other than that, yes, once the next few days are over and I am actually in there, it will be wonderful 🙂

      Like

  13. Mary Smith says:

    Wishing you all the best, Sue. Your new place soudns lovely – I’m sure Ani and the cows and horses will get on just fine. Not so sure how she’ll take to the red kites!

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  14. It looks like a serene environment to me. I have a feeling you will do marvellously well.

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  15. I wish you a speedy move. All that downsizing feels good. Make room for the new Sue. Hugs my friend. We will see you soon. 💖💖💖

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  16. Eliza Waters says:

    Exciting doings! May it all go as smoothly as possible. 🙂

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  17. jenanita01 says:

    Reblogged this on Anita Dawes & Jaye Marie and commented:
    Loving the new place, Sue…

    Like

  18. Ali Isaac says:

    GREAT pictures of the kite in the garden… wow! Bet you can’t wait to move in. Hope all goes well. Xxx

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  19. Widdershins says:

    Have fun … take lots of rest breaks … and, have fun anyway. 🙂

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  20. Good luck with the move, it sounds perfect (I’ve always loved the phrase ‘bottom of the garden’, it sounds peculiarly British to me and I always picture fairies and hedgerows beyond). Great photos of the kite too, well done Alex 🙂

    Like

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