Notes from a small dog… soap and scissor alert

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She’s been in and out of the house like a yoyo the past few days. ‘Won’t be long, girlie’ she says… and sometimes that’s right. Sometimes she’s ages, but then, I know she’s been to see my boy, so that’s sort of okay. I can smell where she’s been you know.

And she’s up to something again, I can tell. Doesn’t matter where I go, she has squirty, sneezy stuff in her hands and she’s rubbing away. On the up side, that prob’ly means we’re having a visitor. Which means better ball-throwing and a better class of cheese. On the down side, I know what’s coming next. Yeah, she’s predictable like that. She’ll look at me, with her head on one side and say ‘you smell of dog’ … and I know she’ll want me in the bath.

What, may I ask, am I supposed to smell of? It’s not as if she cares for any of the perfumes I’ve tried out in the woods and fields… So smelling of dog, I feel, is a reasonable compromise. Now, we’ve been through all this… I don’t need to tell you the horror stories. You’ve seen the pictures… locked in that little room with all the soapy stuff and no escape route…

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‘Course, if she wants  to mop the floor, bleach the tub and wipe the walls, that’s up to her. I can shake with the best of them. Still, she’s got to catch me first and I’m getting really good at wriggling into small spaces and going dead weight when she tries to carry me upstairs… I may be getting a little heavier too… it’s winter, you know. I need my reserves… and my coat is all thick and glossy… doesn’t need the soapy stuff if you ask me.

If that’s not bad enough she keeps trying to creep up on me with scissors. Now come on… would you let her near your ears with scissors? One slip and half my means of self-expression are up the Swanee… As far as I can see, any knotty bits in my ears will come out eventually. No, she says… grooming, she says… Grooming? Coming from her, that’s a bit much… but my lips are sealed…

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And she wants to clip the fur round my toes! Now, I don’t get to wear boots outside… long fur keeps my toes warm… and whatever she says, it does not make me look strange. And if she’s supposed to be a hobbit, shouldn’t she approve of furry feet? She’s probably jealous…

‘Course,being jealous is a bit pointless. I have furry feet because I’m supposed to. She doesn’t and isn’t. Why should she want something she really isn’t in need of? Still, I gather that there’s a lot of that about this time of year. Me, I don’t need much. Just food, somewhere warm… like her sofa… to sleep, cuddles and tennis balls. Just the basics really. And the odd bite of cheese if there’s any going… which is really a service to her. Too much isn’t good for her, you know… but I like to help out.

Oh hello… she’s going under the stairs now… wonder what she’s after in the cupboard003 there? She doesn’t often go in there… and she’s pulling loads of stuff out…and I never get to go in there, so I might have to go and protect her from spiders and such… and have a look around… you know, just in case…before she shuts the door again…

Must dash…

Much love,

Ani xxx

About Sue Vincent

Sue Vincent is a Yorkshire-born writer and one of the Directors of The Silent Eye, a modern Mystery School. She writes alone and with Stuart France, exploring ancient myths, the mysterious landscape of Albion and the inner journey of the soul. Find out more at France and Vincent. She is owned by a small dog who also blogs. Follow her at scvincent.com and on Twitter @SCVincent. Find her books on Goodreads and follow her on Amazon worldwide to find out about new releases and offers. Email: findme@scvincent.com.
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58 Responses to Notes from a small dog… soap and scissor alert

  1. Our dogs always smell bad. Sometimes, VERY bad. When bathed, they smell okay for at least five minutes … until they get outside to roll in the dirt.

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  2. acflory says:

    I have a truly tiny dog – chihuahua cross – but bath times are still no easier. Good luck!

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  3. Éilis Niamh says:

    Hi Sue, sorry for the random comment, I just wanted to say thank you so much for your comment on my post about graduating. I’d forgotten to write a title on that post before publishing, and so decided to repost it with a title from the outset. Unfortunately I must have deleted the first post just after you commented so I did reply through email, but you aren’t going to see it. So, thank you!!! And perhaps next time I will not repost in case I accidentally erase someone’s comment again! J

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  4. This is such a cute post. I am not an animal lover, but I wouldn’t mind being your pet. As they say “Lucky Dog.” :o)

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I am sure Roxy would sympathise with you Ani. We have not only been at her with the scissors but we bought some special clippers as well! She had the indignity of being plonked on the table outside in the garden to be clipped. I have to say she does look even prettier, as I am sure you do when you have been primped and preened! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. jenanita01 says:

    Lovely post, Ani. How I would love to see the world through your eyes…
    It is a pity you don’t like a bath, one of mine used to love it! I suspect she just liked to make a right royal mess…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Mary Smith says:

    A highly entertaining post, as always, Ani.

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  8. ksbeth says:

    and let the match begin! best of luck to you both )

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  9. “she’s supposed to be a hobbit, shouldn’t she approve of furry feet?”…priceless. Ani, you are a treasure. Keep writing. ☺

    Liked by 1 person

  10. TanGental says:

    Being short haired myself I’m lucky to avoid the bath. In fact he only worries if I’ve had a bit of a roll after the rain and there’s this tide mark, sort of line of honour really on my coat. Being white it shows but that’s your parents isn’t it? I’d be black if I could but… Anyway it used to be the hose… You know Guatanamo, South London. But he got fed up with me tripping him up and filing his wellies so we compromised on the walk-in shower. I tell you Ani, get the two legs to try it. But only with a hand held spray and no pump. He warms my feet, and then my, you know, bits, and tail and wipes me down. Leaves my face and ears alone. We’ve been through that and it doesn’t work for either of us. Still gets a bit artsy when I shake after leaving the shower but he does that towel thing which is his way so why shouldn’t I? Now if only he’d learn about tennis balls from your two legs. You clearly have her well trained on that score. He’s always forgetting isn’t he and getting in a right old fizz if I borrow someone else’s. And cheese.. Talk to me. How’d you get her to give you cheese? He’s beyond stingy in that department though I found these Stilton puff things the other day he’d left cooling on the work surface. I haven’t been up there in ages but it’s a cinch really. I try and save it for really tempting stuff as he might find out how I do it and block my route. So far he’s stumped. Have a lovely Christmas and here’s to loads of ear rubs in front of the fire. Oh and turkey… Lots of turkey
    Love Mylo.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sue Vincent says:

      Hose pipe? You mean… cold water??? I’d sort that out, if I were you, Mylo… cold is okay in muddy streams and the odd stagnant pond, but otherwise… no!

      Yeah, she’s not so bad with the tennis balls, though my visitors tend to be easily trained and last longer than she does… though one has a nasty habit of ‘losing’ my favourite…

      I like the idea of cheese ‘n pastry… but if they are stingy with the cheese as a rule, it’s dead easy. Even if they know you’ve just been fed, it works a treat. Just drop your ears right down, suck your cheeks in and tuck your feet right in so you look skinny… then do the puppy eyes thing. Don’t drool though… they seem to see through it if you drool…

      Hope mine gets turkey. She says she can’t eat a whole one on her own, but I’m sure I could help a bit…

      Have a nice Christmas, Mylo!
      Much love, Ani xxx

      Liked by 2 people

  11. Allie P. says:

    My big sweetie loved taking baths. He would sometimes jump into the tub and just wait for us. Then the water would start flowing and he’d start dig / splashing. Afterwards we would mist him with a couple of sprays of some doggie cologne we picked up somewhere called stud muffin while I brushed his coat. But did he ever hate having his nails trimmed.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. So cute of Ani to be looking out for you, Sue…making sure you don’t overfill on cheese. Our dogs can relate to the Hobbit foot hair. 😀

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  13. Eliza Waters says:

    Ha! You’re not alone, Ani. Big dinner party last night had her cleaning like mad, then she turned on me just like yours did. Tricked me into that small space and closed the door before I could get out. I fought valiantly, but she was too strong. All that soothing language did nothing but rankle. I sprayed the walls, rubbed around the edges for good measure before making my escape, then wiped down the furniture and walls out in the big space, too. The only good thing was later when all the ladies cooed about how sweet I was, getting to pick up the dropped morsels and being given a lamb kebob at the end. I guess it was worth it. Wishing you a happy Christmas. Your pal, Wren

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sue Vincent says:

      NO! Honest, Wren, these two-legses are tricksy…. you have to be on your guard all the time. Well done on the furniture wiping though. I like to use the edge of the sofa…
      Mind, the lamb sounds nice….
      Happy Christmas, Wren!
      Much love, Ani xxx

      Liked by 2 people

  14. Really cute. I’m wondering if Ani took a creative writing course. She does very well. 😀 — Suzanne

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  15. What was in the cupboard under the stairs, Ani? Please do tell, or she still in there?

    Have you put Cheese on your list for Father Christmas this year? They always leaved some out for the strange man in the red suit and then think it really was him that ate it. If only they knew 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sue Vincent says:

      Cheese is ALWAYS on my list… and I detect a morsel of Wensleydale in the kitchen…
      She actually is still mucking about under the stairs… something to do with shiny things and the robin I am forbidden to bark at…
      Much love, Ani xxx

      Liked by 2 people

      • She keeps Robins in there? Oh my. Well I suppose it’s better than keeping a cat in there. Heavens forbid, I hope she’s Okay. You’ll have to call International Blogger rescue if she doesn’t come out by midnight. I’ll get my human to come and pull her out while we try and get the Wensleydale.

        Have a very barky Christmas, Ani.
        Lots of licks, treats, cheese and Tennis Balls,
        Toby – woof!

        Liked by 1 person

        • Sue Vincent says:

          You too, Toby… she seems to be emerging with lots of shiny things… may have to take a raincheck on the Wensleydale… for now… 😉
          Happy Christms, Toby, to you and your two-legses. Much love, Ani. xxx

          Liked by 1 person

  16. macjam47 says:

    LOL! You can’t fool Ani!

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  17. noelleg44 says:

    Ani,you’re such a gorgeous girl – but you know, good grooming is the sign of a real lady. I hope you appreciate how much your human loves you and takes good care of you.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. theowllady says:

    Love you, Ani! Give Sue a big kiss and hug for me!!!! @v@ ❤

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  19. Did you get in there, Ani? Protect her from all those cweepy-cwawlies? Good Girl. Must say, you’re looking rather dapper now 🙂🌲🙃

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  20. I’m sure you smell delightful, Ani. Millie and Pearl smell of bad eggs – I think they’ve been bog snorkelling. Either that, or they’re possessed.

    Liked by 1 person

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